Mornings With Natalie

My Marriage Broke

My marriage broke, honestly it has broken a few times, but there is one major time that truly broke us and looking in the mirror was hard but one of the GREATEST things ever. I am not the first one to say sorry most of the time, I will say it, but as my poor hubby knows it goes a little bit like this ” Sorry that you feel that way…” but rarely is it just SORRY. which I don’t truly myself understand why it is easier for me to say sorry to others then humble myself and tell him sorry.

You see, I am a pretty strong woman, I don’t like to cry much and normally it is from anger vs sadness. And that is kind of the way we built our marriage, be strong show no sadness. It’s not like we sat down and made this “tough guy” pact, but somewhere along the line, it was something we actually were proud of.

Honestly, it is something still of a challenge for us, but we both became broken in our marriage yet stubborn enough not to truly mention our pain. One of the perks of marrying young is growing up together and finding ourselves. Me personally, my identity was my faith and not so much God’s love but God’s rules.

It is something I can honestly say I am ashamed of that, because for almost 10 years I treated my marriage with such a hard outlook, and after 10 years my husband still struggles with his faith because I taught him rules and not love.

I had such hard expectations of what our marriage should look like, and how he should treat me. Yes, how he should treat me and not how I should treat him. I went in thinking it was my Christian duty to change him, this non-christian flawed man. I was going to fix him, he needed me to set him straight.

How wrong I was.

I set him up for failure before he could even attempt to try. Now I don’t blame myself alone for our marriage breaking, but what I do blame is for how I loved my husband. I can only speak for my actions and my life through this blog. Because I want to help you, I want your marriage to thrive and to grow and become something so truly beautiful.

I am far from perfect, I became shattered, my faith weakened but now slowly the pieces are starting to come back together and become something even greater. I am here for you, to share my mistakes and to let you know you are not alone.

God’s love for us is so strong and powerful, don’t give up in fact smile because, if God can build us from dust he can repair something broken and make it even more beautiful.

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